Can You Go to Couples Counselling Alone?

Yes, you can go to couples counselling alone. It is common for one person in a couple to want help and the other not to. You do not have to wait for your partner in order to start.

Why a partner says no

• Fear of being singled out as the one at fault

• A belief that couples counselling means the relationship is over

• Not being used to talking about feelings with an outsider

• A view that the problems are not that serious

None of this means your partner does not care. Most often it is unease about something unfamiliar.

What you can work on by yourself

• Your side of the pattern: what you do when things lock up, and what happens if you do something else

• How you raise difficult things

• Your limits and what you need

• What you want from the relationship

When one person in a couple changes how they react, the interaction changes, because the other no longer gets the same response as before.

Where the limits are

You cannot change your partner through sessions they are not part of. The sessions start from your picture, and the counsellor only hears one side.

Some things, such as a betrayal between you, need both of you there to be worked through.

How to raise it with your partner

Choose a calm moment. Suggesting counselling in the middle of an argument sounds like an accusation.

Start from yourself. "I miss us and I want help finding our way back" lands differently from "we need counselling".

Keep the threshold low. Suggest one session, and decide the rest afterwards.

Take a no without dropping the question. Say that you plan to go by yourself, without making it a threat.

If your partner wants to join later

Sometimes the person who first said no becomes curious when they notice something changing. You can then raise it in your sessions and look at what continuing together could look like.

How to start

You book a regular session, the same way a couple does. Book a session or read more about the format on the page about online couples counselling.

You cannot do your partner's part. Your own goes further than you might think.